Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 34:7
What do you really want is a difficult question to answer. Most of us are so use to doing what we need to do or what is expected from us, we are not in touch with what we want. But for God to grant us the desires of our heart, it requires us knowing our own heart first.
It will take work, a lot of work quite frankly, to be get "rock bottom" honest with ourselves. Pray and listen to your heart. Write your thoughts down.
Circumstances, expectations, even our history impact our thinking. Give yourself permission to get honest with what you really, even if you don't see how you could ever get it. The task is first to be honest. Start there and start today.